hi my name is chris makarsky

A harrowing entry of mystery and intrigue… or not

They say to write what you know. While that allows many topics of discussion to those with actual knowledge and experience, it leaves the rest of us stuck writing on the banality of our lives. Like me, for instance: take this past week, where my biggest accomplishments included eating numerous burritos (over 4!), catching up on various TV shows and, of course, playing Brawl. It’s scraping the barrel’s bottom to those who have the luxury of writing on interesting topics, but for the rest of us, it’s the start of a wonderful post.

Burritos!

I love burritos. Everyone loves burritos. They’re big, delicious, portable, cheap, and ubiquitous — especially in this city, where you can’t go a block without passing a burrito joint. That’s in no way a bad thing.

Everyone also loves avocados around here. I don’t. I tolerate them but I’m no fan, guacamole excepted. But they’re all over the place and they occasionally find their way into my burritos. Not the biggest downer in the world, but it’s one of the few things that make me appreciate burritos slightly less. Then again, it’s better than discovering that, say, Taco Bell puts potatoes chunks in their burritos. Cheap bastards.

Speaking of Taco Bell, I haven’t been to one since moving to San Francisco. Their online store locater tells me there’s a few in the city but none in my vicinity. Certainly with all the local burrito joints there’s no real need, although I saw a commercial the other day for their Cheesy Beefy Melt. I have no idea if it’s a new creation or if they’re hocking a past product, but I’ll shamefully admit I thought it looked kinda good. Everything looks better at 3am after a night of drinking, but it’s best there’s no late-night Taco Bells near me.

TV!

South Park is back for another season. I guess that’s a good thing, although it appears they’re phoning it in now more than ever. But I don’t watch the show for deep insights or political commentary (good god) — I watch for the cheap crap jokes, so the laziness doesn’t bother me as much as it probably should.

The laziness of Lost’s writers, on the other hand, almost ruined the show last season. Well, the laziness and the obvious bullshit. But since scheduling the series’ end, they’re finally answering some fucking questions so I’m sticking around for now. Time travel or time warping is obviously a part of the island’s mystery and that’s an admittedly cool idea if they can pull it off. Keep the same plot themes but condense the show into half the episodes (and completely cut the middle half of the third season), and Lost would be one of the best shows ever.

And on best shows ever: The Wire finale a few weeks ago was… eh. I mean, it was great, but things got wrapped up a little too nicely for a show that was so rooted in the bleak reality of the systems we’re assigned. This final season is probably the weakest overall, in large part because of the shortened season, but also because it’s the one time where the motivations of the season’s “antagonists” — the Sun’s editing board — wasn’t fully explored. In a series that made pains to show both sides of the story, I think the journalists were the closest the show came to caricature. I’m familiar with David Simon’s experience at The Sun, and that he didn’t rail against his former organization too much is admirable. But this arc wasn’t nearly as compelling as the docks from season 2, or the kids from season 4.

That said, I needed something to fill the void after The Wire’s finale. Luckily, there was Brawl.

Brawl!

I love Brawl. It feels good to have a purpose in life again. Admittedly, the purpose is clearing the game’s entire challenge board, but hey, it’s something to wake up for. And if you think it’s a waste of time to complete the classic mode for all characters (done!) or clear a 15-minute multi-man brawl (done!) — well, you’re absolutely right, but break it to me gently.

After weeks of contemplation, I’m going with Lucas as my primary fighter, with Lucario, Meta Knight, and Olimar in the second tier. I’m also retiring Toon Link and Ness, as they’re not as fun as their Melee counterparts. But since the characters are a lot more balanced, I might just play on random. Except for Ganondorf, who still sucks the big one, and Ike, who’s way too cheap (anecdotally evidenced by the multitude of online Ikes).

Some people I play with turn off all items, claiming it’s more pure fight that way. Yet items are such a huge part of the game, and switching between playing with no items and full items is pushing me towards a haphazard strategy. But my argument for items isn’t exactly noble: I’m not really for all items… only the items I prefer. I turn off health boosts, stars, hammers, assist trophies, and any other bullshit power-up I believe tips the balance too much.

I originally thought the Smash Ball would end up in this category, but it’s a well-designed and important addition to the game. Unlike other items, there’s a lot of work to get the Smash Ball — instead of simply picking it up, the ball floats around the screen and has to be hit multiple times before it breaks. This gives time for another player to step in and steal it at the last second, and even if you do grab it, someone else can still beat it out of you. And then you have to actually pull the move off, many of which are by no means ring-out guarantees.

The biggest disappointment is the online play. It’s so horrible currently. I’m not sure why Nintendo hates online gaming so much, but the fact that it’s laggy as hell, that you can’t change options in anonymous mode, and that there’s no leader boards or voice chat is hugely inexcusable in 2008. Yet the crippled system is probably better left in its bastardized state for my sake, if I’m ever going to accomplish something worthy of being discussed in a real entry.

Like beating all-star on intense with no continues. That’s the stuff legends are made of. I hope.